A gaslighter isn’t going to want to do that. To admit you were wrong is to relinquish control. Refusing to apologize: To apologize to someone is to admit you were wrong. But it could make a gaslighter lose their shit, making the child feel like everything they do is wrong. In the grand scheme of things, that’s a blip. Maybe their child knocked off a glass of water. Anything can set them off and, often, it’s little things you wouldn’t expect to be such a big deal. It goes without saying that being raised in a household with someone who lies about everything can definitely affect the value a child places on the truth.Įxaggerating conflict: Gaslighters are also notoriously volatile. And they’ll double down in their dishonesty if you try to challenge it. They’ll lie for no reason, as though doing it for sport. Got a promotion at your first job? They might suggest your employer made a mistake or there was a reason other than merit that swayed the decision-making process.ĭenying their own actions: Perhaps one of the most perplexing aspects of a gaslighter is the fact that they’ll deny something they said or did, even when faced with irrefutable truth. Got accepted to an Ivy League college? They’ll tell you it’s a waste of money. Undermining success: In a similar being, the parent might actively diminish their child’s success. The child being gaslit will serve as the scapegoat, while the parent puts a sibling on a pedestal. Gaslighting parents also have a tendency to pit siblings against one another. They might compete with the child for attention or even friends. They’ll discredit the child’s memories with brush-offs like, “You’re exaggerating!” or “Stop being so dramatic - it was nothing.”Ĭreating unhealthy competition: This type of parent will likely foster some sort of unhealthy competitive dynamic in the home. But a gaslighting parent tends to undermine their child’s recollection, regardless of what it is. Rewriting history: Is it possible that a child and parent will have different recollections of the same event? Sure. However, there are certain signs that might serve as red flags. Children tend to look to their parents to confirm their view of the world, and they typically trust the response what their parent tells them. One of the trickiest things about identifying a gaslighting parent is the parent-child dynamic - one that is inherently imbalanced from the start. Long-term effects of gaslighting on a child can be things like anxiety, self-doubt, insecurity, paranoia, distrust, and even perpetuating the cycle of gaslighting itself. “Having your reality questioned has got to be the most damaging thing out there because our reality and the way we think about the world is kind of all we have,” he explained. Ben Michaelis pointed out that being gaslit distorts your sense of reality. Speaking to Health magazine in February 2020, clinical psychologist Dr. It’s a twisted exercise in power, control, and manipulation. In the story, a husband dims the gas-powered lights in the couple’s home every night, only to vehemently deny doing so when his wife notices. Or the movie that came after starring Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer. If gaslighting seems like a strange word to describe this toxic behavior, well, it’s because it sort of is - unless you’re familiar with the 1938 play by the same name. Where did the term “gaslighting” come from? Psychology Today defines gaslighting as “the use of deflection, distraction, and blame by one person to hide some truth, or to benefit in some way, at the cost of another.” It’s an especially insidious form of psychological torment and emotional abuse because sometimes the person doing the gaslighting doesn’t even realize they’re guilty of the behavior. Looking to swap out the toxicity in your life with positivity? We have self-care quotes, friendship quotes, I love you quotes, and more! What is gaslighting? Having said that, gaslighting merits cautioning against since it’s a particularly egregious form of toxic parental behavior. No matter how hard we try, we’re all going to do something that has the potential to negatively affect our kids. If what you’re about to read hits a little too close to home, remember that we’re all inherently flawed as human beings, and that carries over into the parenting realm. Either way, it’s important to be able to spot the signs of a gaslighting parent.īefore we dive into the psyche, take a deep breath and repeat after us: No parent is perfect. Or maybe you’re here because you’re afraid you’re the one engaging in this toxic behavior with your own children. Whether you knew it prior to this point, you may have grown up with a gaslighting parent. What you may not have realized, though, is that gaslighting doesn’t just apply to the dynamic of a romantic relationship. You’ve probably heard the term gaslighting by now - after all, it’s been a buzzword for the last few years.
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